[First draft, but I think it only really needs a light polish…]

INT Mission control room, lots of scanners and a big map of the world on one wall, overlaid with the path of a satellite or two in whatever that orbit is called. Let’s have two SCIENTISTS and a GENERAL
SCIENTIST 1: Sir, it appears that China have just launched a satellite.
GENERAL: Do we know what was on it?
SCIENTIST 2: No sir, but state media are claiming it is important for ensuring the security of the Chinese people
GENERAL: What does that mean?
CUT TO shot of Chinese spy satellite; CUT TO CHINESE SCIENTISTS watching footage of troops guarding Fort Knox or whatever. CUT TO another satellite with Chinese writing on dropping out of the sky and landing at Fort Knox. Chinese looking soldiers emerge, overpower the guards, and steal all of the gold, which they take in a convoy of lorries.

INT Pentagon. Various HIGH-RANKING TYPES are arguing. PRESIDENT ERIC LASSARD enters, carrying a goldfish in a bowl, places it on the table.
PRESIDENT LASSARD: Gentlemen, it appears that a very, very bad thing has been done. What are we going to do about it?
ARMY GUY: I say we nuke Shanghai!
PRESIDENT LASSARD: What has Portugal got to do with this?
AIDE: Shanghai is in China, sir.
PRESIDENT LASSARD: Right, yes, of course. Can we nuke China?
AIDE: It would be suicidal, sir. China would surely retaliate in kind, and wipe us off the face of the earth.
PRESIDENT LASSARD: (thinks, looks at fish)
NASA BOSS: The attack came from space, sir. I suggest we send a team into orbit to find the spy satellite and disable it.
PRESIDENT LASSARD: Excellent suggestion!
Everyone starts shouting at once.
PRESIDENT LASSARD: Quiet, gentlemen. I have decided. And so we shall send a team into space, to find out who did this thing, and to stop them from doing it again.

EXT New York Street. CAPTAIN TACKLEBERRY is on patrol. He hears message on the radio about a grocery store robbery, and pulls out a RIDICULOUS GUN and steps out of the car. He then gets another message:
RADIO (HOOKS): Tackleberry, Tackleberry! It’s President Lassard. He wants us to report immediately to Kennedy Space Center!




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